Will They Ever Learn?
by Psycho King
Summary: SI; A first-person story following of my life as Ranma after 'splashdown' Chapter 6 uploaded
1. Prologue

Will They Ever Learn?

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is mine! (Gets attacked by a monster made up of legal documents, bills, and one lawyer.) Ouch! Stop It! Ok, I don't own it, Rumiko Takahashi does. Back you vial beast! Also thanks to Sean D'Anna. Who's fanfic, the 'Spirit Within', gave me inspiration for my story.

Key:  "normal speech"

          [Panda signs]

          My thoughts

          =????'s voice=

Prologue

To say 'Tim is exhausted beyond belief' would have been an understatement deserving of a face-fault. After completing my collection of Ranma ½ memorabilia, I decided to celebrate by rereading all of the magna novels back to back. The problem was that by the time I finished, it was late into the night.

            "Great," I mumbled to no one after glancing at the clock, "and I still have class tomorrow."  Knowing, full well, that my professors wouldn't take too kindly to my snores disrupting their lessons, I decided to attempt to get a few hours sleep.  My life… a curse of constant normality, I thought.  While curling into my bed sheets I grumbled, "My life is boring.  I would gladly trade it for any other, Even Ranma's."

            =Are you sure?= a voice said from empty space. As testament to how tired I was, I responded, "Sure, I would gladly face Ranma's day to day troubles than eternal mediocrity."  As I shut my eyes I heard, the voice say, =As you wish,= then sympathetically, =will they ever learn?=

I was jarred from my peaceful sleep by, not my obnoxiously loud alarm clock, but by the impact of my face colliding with a small body of water. I finally broke the surface, feeling a little top-heavy, hearing a man say "Sir fell into the 'Spring of Drowned Girl…" I had the sudden urge to beat the upright panda on the shore to a bloody pulp.

**Author's notes: This is just the prologue and the first chapter should be posted a few seconds after this. I know many people will avoid this fic on the basis that it is my first fanfic and that it is a self-insert but give me the benefit of the doubt.**

Any and all flames will be used to make popcorn, but constructive criticism, suggestions, and praises will be accepted with open arms.

And thanks to 'Tribble-girl' for her suggestions


	2. Chapter 1: And So It Begins

Will They Ever Learn?

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is mine! (Gets attacked by a monster made up of legal documents, bills, and one lawyer.) Ouch! Stop It! Ok, I don't own it, Rumiko Takahashi does. Back you vial beast! Also thanks to Sean D'Anna. Who's fanfic, the 'Spirit Within', gave me inspiration for my story.

Key:  "normal speech"

          [Panda signs]

          My thoughts

          =????'s voice=

Chapter 1: And So It Begins

I was disoriented. One voice in my head asked Who, What, When, etc…? the other was thinking How many ways are there to cook panda? and How much do zoos pay for live, if damaged, pandas?

I was about to voice all of my thoughts when the voice from the night before spoke up. =Your soul is now fused with the body of the one known as Ranma Saotome. You will feel his thoughts and emotions along with your own until they have become one in the same.= Then it added with sarcasm, =Enjoy.=

Well that explains why I am hearing multiple voices in my head. My knowledge of this world will give me an advantage. But, I can't change too much, or else all I know will become useless. Hum, I'm gonna need an excuse for when I let my for-knowledge show. It was then I noticed that the panda, my 'father', standing in front of me holding a sign that read, [What is wrong with you boy? Why haven't you moved?] I looked up at him and smiled while thinking, Hello Excuse! 

Genma's look of confusion turned into shock when he saw that I was looking at him, and then fear when he glimpsed my smile. 

I finally got out of the pool while the Guide said, "Not to worry young sir. Curse will reverse when splashed with hot water, but… curse will activate again when splashed with cold water." 

While Pop was distracted by the guide's voice, I dashed forward, put him into a hold, and spoke into his ear. "Listen and agree, and maybe I won't beat you black and blue." 

Genma stopped struggling to break my grip so I continued, "We are going to his hut," pointing at the guide, "we are going to change back, and you're gonna tell me everything you have done, every promise you may have made, that could come back to haunt us later. If, I am convinced that you told me everything then I will, only, kick you into the upper stratosphere." The panda grimaced but nodded his head, and we followed the guide back to his hut.

After a quick soaking in hot water (boiling for the panda), Genma began recalling everything, only needing a few cold stares in order for him to clear up some details. Now, whenever I seem to know too much on 'some' topics, I have a reason. When he ask why I wanted to know, I sent him into the upper stratosphere via a well-placed kick, to keep good on my promise. I always wanted to do that

The rest of the trip through China went accordingly, including the visit to the 'Village of the Amazons' I will eventually need Cologne to be there no matter how annoying she, Shampoo, and Mousse will be later on.

The only change that I made to my day-to-day life was that I would spend an extra hour training myself at night when Genma was asleep. Preparation equals survival were the thoughts that prompted me on through the late hours.

Saffron! The thought darkened my mood.

**Author's notes:** How is that for my first chapter? Please let me know through reviews, e-mail, or IM (the necessary information is on my bio page). 

As always, any and all flames will be used to make popcorn, but constructive criticism, suggestions, and praises will be accepted with open arms. I will not set a date for when I will post the next chapter because too many factors will manipulate that date.

And thanks to 'Tribble-girl' for her suggestions


	3. Chapter 2: Meet the Tendos

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is mine! (Gets attacked by a monster made up of legal documents, bills, and one lawyer.) Ouch! Stop It! Ok, I don't own it, Rumiko Takahashi does. Back you vial beast! Also thanks to Sean D'Anna. Who's fanfic, the 'Spirit Within', gave me inspiration for my story.

Key: "normal speech"

        [panda signs]

        my thoughts

Pre-chapter author notes: Wow! Somebody actually read my story! (does a pointless and wild dance on a table). I accordance with several request, this chapter is longer and each of the following chapters should get progressively longer until I see no more need. And, no, as you will see in this chapter, I am going to add more than just a 'few changes here and there'. But I will stay true to the saying, "The more things change, the more things stay the same."

Will They Ever Learn?

Chapter 2

Meet The Tendos

They weren't kidding about the freak storms in Nerima! I practically yelled to myself after a one-minute-long shower left me full soaked and fully female. 

A few people in the street turned their heads when the panda behind me held up a sign which read [Hurry up boy, I want to see my friend soon!]. 

I spun around to face him, which turned a few 'male' heads because of the effect it had on my 'female' body, and said, "Shut up old man. I'm only going with you to meet my fiancée because were gonna see mom right afterwards." All the men on the street looked disappointed when they heard that that I had a fiancée. Everyone resumed walking, seeing that the small drama was over when pop and me continued on our way.

I knock on the front door of the Tendo Dojo and was greeted by a face that could only be described as gentle. A young woman who opened the door and said with a smile "Hello, may I help you?" Must be Kasumi "Hi, I'm Ranma Saotome, can me and pop come in?" I said as the lump of fur closed the front gate. "Oh my!" was her response when she noticed the panda standing next to me Defiantly Kasumi, "Su . . . Sure, if your pet is house trained." If she only knew . . . "I swear, he sometimes seems almost human." I said with a smirk.

As soon as I walked into the main room of the house I was grabbed into a crushing hug accompanied by a voice waling "At last! I'm so happy that you have come!" Soun Tendo, if I'm not mistaken It was then that he noticed my current gender, and another girl Nabiki walked next to me and poked me in the chest and said "He's… a she?" I let the 'ranma-ish' part of me take more control and responded "I ain't a girl! I'm a guy!" 

"Doesn't look like it from where I'm standing." The same girl said as she helped her father onto a futon. 

Suddenly another voice spoke up "Nabiki, don't be rude. So what if the guy we were suppose to meet is just a gender confused girl." must be Akanewas my thought as I turned to face the source of the voice and was completely stunned. 

THAT'S AKANE!. If I said that 'I was smitten with her.' I would be lying, because I was in LOVE. 

I now cursed myself for letting the ranma-part of my mind speak up because I instantly responded by saying "Look, I didn't ask you to butt in, and I said 'I'm a guy' and I meant it." STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!

The look on Akane's face told me that she wouldn't let me get away with that commit. "Well then, you claim to be 'Ranma Saotome', who is suppose to be a strong martial artist, then spar against me and prove that you are who you say you are." 

"I accept your challenge," were the first words out of my mouth, I was, at least, hoping I could have avoided this.

Akane, dressed in her training gi, and I walked into the dojo and squared off against each other, with her in an offensive stance and me in a relaxed defensive stance. Well… maybe I can help the situation by at least fighting back… some…

Akane started off by throwing a straight punch to my lower neck. She had a slight look of astonishment on her face when I didn't dodge, and converted the momentum of the attack into a back roll and then went into an offensive stance. 

"Why . . . why didn't you block or dodge?" Akane asked with a bit of confusion. "Even a beginner could have at least avoided that attack." I gave her my best smirks I've been getting better at those and said, "I wanted to test out your 'average' strength. Now I know about how tough you are and can fight at your level." 

Everyone else by now had gathered at the dojo door with varied looks on their faces. That is different. "Now that I am done 'testing the waters', let's continue," I said while maneuvering in close with speed and grace.

Akane spontaneously reacted by performing a snap kick, hoping to force me back and get some distance between us. I countered by sweeping out her other foot, and while she was still falling, put her into a midair shoulder throw. Akane flew across the room and landed upside-down at the base of the far wall with a 'Thud'. 

"I do believe that is game, set, and match, sis." Nabiki committed from the sidelines, she probably is cursing herself for not having the others place bets on us "I guess you proved that you're Ranma, but you still haven't explained why you insist on being called a boy or why you have a panda with you." well I can at least avoid one disaster "That . . . is best explained  with a kettle of warm water . . . and preferably somewhere where everyone can sitting down," I responded.

After everyone was seated at the dinner table and Kasumi gave a kettle of water to me. I quickly pored some of the warm water on myself and then on my old man. There was a brief moment where all that was heard was a slight gasp, which was followed by . . . "Who . . .", "What . . .", "Huh . . .", "How . . .", and one "Oh my!"

"HOLD IT!" I interrupted sharply, "I am Ranma Saotome, and this is my pop . . ." "Genma Saotome" Pop said. "And before you start barging us with more questions, Pop will explain what happened." 

Everyone quieted down while pop started telling the story of our trip to Jusenkyo, and my following interrogation. "I didn't like the idea of being forced into marriage, but I agreed with Pop that I would come to meet you in exchange for the chance to go see my mom afterwards." I concluded. 

"Well then, sense we all know why we are here . . ." Soun said "My daughters; Kasumi, age 19; Nabiki, age 17; and Akane, age 16. Pick the one you want. She's your fiancée. 

"I . . ." let's hope that Kasumi and Nabiki picks up their cue

"Oh, he wants Akane!" "Oh, definitely!" chimed the two elder girls Bingo, now Akane will disagree and . . . 

"Ok . . ." came the response from Akane.

Huh? "Then it is settled!" Mr. Tendo said while weeping, "Akane and Ranma will be married, the wedding will be tomorrow . . ." I better gain control of the situation "Hold on!" I interrupted while trying to collect my thoughts. "Before you 'n Pop start calling the minister and all, I want to see my mom." 

Mr. Tendo, after my outburst, caught his breath and spoke in a calmed (and less moist) voice. "Very well, Akane you will accompany Ranma and Genma as they visits Mrs. Saotome tonight. We will continue our discussion tomorrow after school." 

Pop then finally decided to speak up, "Actually . . .  Soun . . . Ranma and Akane will be fine going alone seeing how it isn't to far away. But I would like to rest up tonight before I travel home." 

"Quit mak'en excuses Pop. You just don't want to be there when Mom first hears about the curses!" I said irritated.  

All of the sudden Pop was replaced by a wet panda holding a sign saying [No Comment!] As I got up I turned to face my fiancée. "You coming Akane?"

"Sure." Akane said with a smile as we went out the front door. If this true love, then I'm in heaven.

Post-chapter author notes: As always, flames will be used to heat my hot pockets, but constructive criticism, suggestions and praises will be accepted with open arms. And the next chapters posting will be at a undetermined time in the near future (affected by things such as jobs, school projects, and times to recover my creative juices.


	4. Chapter 3: Momma's Little Girl!

Disclaimer: Ranma ½ is mine! (Gets attacked by a monster made up of legal documents, bills, and one lawyer.) Ouch! Stop It! Ok, I don't own it, Rumiko Takahashi does. Back you vial beast! Also thanks to Sean D'Anna. Who's fanfic, the 'Spirit Within', gave me inspiration for my story.

Key: "normal speech"

         [panda signs]

         my thoughts at the moment

         (unsaid but understated concepts)

Author Note: I have noticed from previous reviews that my readers were getting confused by my thoughts in punctuation. To clarify the matter, text in punctuation display my thoughts at the moment and do not reflect my plans for the fanfic. These thoughts are only to reflect what I am thinking about, in the story, at that moment, during the moment.

???: (from the shadows with sarcasm) Logically . . . that was an excellent interpretation of your rational thought processes.

Psycho king: who or what are you?

???: Don't you remember?  'I am the Angel of Death.  I have come for your soul.'

PK: Death?!? When did you escape from my sub-conscious?

Death: On one lonely night when your mind was fretting over those horrid papers for your government class, it was then that I made my flight, along with a few associates . . .

PK:  UGHHH . . . how many of you guys got out?

Death: I am unsure of the account of our number, but I believe our party's decampment was complete.

PK: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Death: Do not trouble yourself. We will remain silent for the most part, but some may choose to comment on your writings like I am at this moment.

Ignis Finard: When are you going to make a fanfic about me?  After all, I am you 'Ranma ½' character!

PK: Be quiet Ignis!  I never intended to make a fic for you.  Now, silence, all of you.  I need to start this story.

Death: Once again, for the depths of the psyche of our Ou no Seishinbyo  (king of the psychotic) . . .

Will They Ever Learn?

Chapter 3

Momma's Little . . . Girl?

The walk to my home had mostly gone by without a word between me and Akane.  I better try to get some answers. Ok but use tact, and avoid that temper. Here we go . . . "So Akane . . . why did you accept the engagement?" 

"Why are you asking? Am I not good enough to be your fiancée?" Akane retorted. Warning, warning, rage alert. She has disengaged the safety and taken aim, warning. 

"NO! NO! NO!" I stuttered while putting my hands up defensively, "I'm just asking because you don't seem like the type to be forced inta anything without a fight." She stopped walking for a moment and let out a sigh that seemed to last for an eternity. patience, let her speak when she is ready

After looking up to my face, Akane started walking again and finally said, "I probably would have, but when I heard about all the stuff your father put you through . . . I realized that (like me) you don't like to be pushed into things. If I hadn't agreed we would have been forced together, and all that would have accomplished would have been us hating each other." Wow, she is much more insightful than I realized! "When you and your dad came, you took away some of my control of my life. I regained it when I took the choice away from you." 

"So," I said with a grin, "That would mean that it is my turn to take control now." 

"Baka, just my luck that you have to make jokes about our future." Akane said while rolling her eyes. 

I was about to respond when, out of nowhere, came a dreaded . . . "Splash" followed by a "Sorry Miss, didn't see you down there." BAKA!

"Hay, Akane wait up!" I said while I ran up to her side. As she turned around to face me, she said, "What is it now Ran . . . HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?" While recoiling from her sudden outburst, I let out a sigh and responded. "That is one part of the curse I forgot to mention. I have become a water magnet." 

"What do you mean?" Akane ask as we continued walking. 

"What I mean is that I could be in the middle of a crowd of thirty people, a car going by could hit a puddle, and I would still get splashed enough to change." I then grabbed her wrist and said, "Come on, I want to meet my mom 'as a guy' and 'then' show her the curse."

After a quick stop at a ramen cart to get some warm water, me and Akane finally made it to my home. Well, I better get this over with

I was nervous wreck, Will she be like my 'other' mom? Will I be able to love her like I loved my 'original' mother? Will she be the maniac like some fans thought she was or will she be reasonable? I don't want to have to commit seppuku! and wondering if I should knock on the door or announce myself before entering. That is when she came around the side of the house, dressed in worn jeans and a yellow long-sleeved shirt and carrying a basket of garden tools at her side. Mommy!

"Oh," she said while putting the basket down. "I was not expecting guest today. Hello, I am Nodoka Saotome. How may I help you?"

"Momma!"

"Ranma?" she said as I ran into her arms and gave her a hug of pure joy. It was such a happy reunion between mother and son that I only partially noticed that I had stepped on the spray nozzle for the water hose causing both of us to be soaked.

"Ranma! My little boy!  My little boy has come home! Oh my little . . ." she paused. I think she just realized that we're both wet . . . Wet! It was then that she held me out at arms-length and got a good look at her 'son'. Oh, #&$*$^^$!  ". . . girl?" It was then that she did the only thing that her mind would let her do at that moment. Faint.

"Well that could have gone better." I said with a dry sense of humor.

"Come on baka," Akane said after seeing the whole encounter. She then proceeded to lift my mom up by her shoulders. "Are you going to just stand there, or are you going to help me carry you mom inside?"

"Uh, sure," I said as I lifted my mom up and carried her over my shoulder into the house. I hope she will listen to reason before she remembers where her katana is.

We laid my mom down on a futon, which we had found in the closet, in the middle of the living room.  After a few moments of silence, she finally awoke to see me (in my female form) and Akane sitting next to her.

"Ranma?" she said with slight confusion in her voice.  "Is that really you?  What happened to you?"

"Uh . . . well . . ." I mumbled.  "You remember how Pop had been sending you letters during our training trip?" She nodded. "And how he stopped a few weeks ago?" Another nod. "This is why." I said while point and my chest.

"But, how did it happen?"  Mom continued with anxiety in her voice.  "One moment I was holding my long lost son. Next moment you changed into a girl."

Well, at least she is listening "It is a curse. An ancient Chinese curse from a place called Jusenkyo."  I paused to make sure she understood me.  After I saw comprehension in her eyes I continued.  "Shortly after his last letter to you, Pop took me there because a brochure he found called it a 'Legendary Training Ground' and he didn't know enough Chinese to read the rest of it."

She let out a sigh. "That sound like Genma . . .  Jumping at anything new and exciting with only a slight understanding of the consequences."

I nodded as I continued.  "Well, as we found out later, it is called 'the pool of sorrow' for a good reason.  There are over a thousand pools there and each one has a tragic story . . ."

"A very tragic story." Akane interjected with mirth in her voice while heading for the kitchen. Great now she decides to make the wise cracks

". . . of something or someone drowning there.  Now whenever a person falls into one of the springs they will take the form of whatever drowned in that pool. Pops fell into the 'Spring of drown Panda', I fell into the 'Spring of drown Girl'."

Nodoka just looked at me for a few seconds.  Don't go for the katana . . . don't go for the katana . . .   Then she started giggling while saying, "Your joking about your father's curse, right.  He actually turns into a panda?"

"No lie mom." I said with my own little grin.  I may survive this after all  "The next time you see him, just splash him with cold water and be prepared to smell wet fur."

"I think I will," she said while still giggling.  "Just to see the look on his furry face."  She then became more serious.  Down to the final stretch "I take it that you have found a way to change back?"

"Of course," I said as Akane walked back into the room with a teakettle. "Akane, the kettle if you please." My fiancée held it over my head, "Cold water activates the curse," she pores the steaming water on my head, "and hot water changes me back."  I concluded while becoming male again.  Crunch time

"I thank you son for being honest with me.  I assume that your father has informed you of the promise he had made to me before you departed?" she stated formally.  "Yes mother."  Better not let her know that I had to beat it out of him, for Pops sake  She continued, "Then by my right as the bearer of the seppuku oath sighed by you, Ranma Saotome, and your father, Genma Saotome. I release you from your promise." That's a load off of my mind "But, I am still going to have a talk with your father about what are 'safe and reasonable' training methods." You're on your own there Pops

My mom turned toward Akane and, in a more relaxed and calm tone, said, "I don't believe we have been properly introduced yet."  She gave a partial bow, "I am Nodoka Saotome. And you are?"

Akane bowed in response, "I am Akane Tendo, of the Tendo School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts. Also, due to the promise between our fathers and our consent, I am Ranma's fiancée." Does she know about the arrangement?

"Ah, yes.  I was wondering when Genma would take you to meet Soun."

"And, ummm . . . they . . . ummm . . ." Akane mumbled.

"Let me guess," Mom interrupted with a wave of her hand.  "They want to have you marry as soon as possible."

"You got that right mom." What is she, psychic

"Well, then I do believe I'll need to have my discussion with Genma sooner than I thought." Panda sausage . . . that might be tasty . . .

It was then that we decided to head back to the Tendo dojo so that mom could meet the rest of Akane's family (and so that we would get there before Pops tried to make a break for it). I'm looking forward to a panda-meat cookout

More Author Notes:: Psycho king: well I hope you enjoyed that chapter. Next up will be the first day of school at Furinken High School.

Death: We shall appreciate all observations, recommendations, and valuable critiques.  Also . . .

Ignis: Also, flames will only be touched by skilled pyrotechnics (and sometimes pyromaniacs) such as myself and Lunix95.  Psycho king's only true 'fire masters'.

Sarul Talah: What of me? There is a reason why I am know as the Dragon Bear.

GSO-Techu6: (to Talah) You merely breath fire, you don't control it after you create it.

PK: (to Ignis) I knew there was a reason why didn't try to subdue you when you showed yourself . . .

Ignis: . . . other than the fact that you couldn't if you tried?

PK: Then, with extreme satisfaction, I will assign you the position of 'flame control management'.

Ignis: (snaps his fingers, which creates a few embers) It's a dirty job, . . .but why do I have to do it?

PK: Because you said that I couldn't stop you 'if I tried'.  That job is only a portion of my ability to control you.

Lunix95: You got burned, Ignis.  As do all who cross the author.

PK: You got that right Lunix. Wait, when did you show up?

Death: (interrupts) I accordance with due respect . . . our appreciation goes out to Miyaka, who was formally known as Tribble girl.


	5. Chapter 4: Showdown at Furinkan High

Key: "normal speech"

        [panda signs]

        my thoughts at the moment

        ^^^lapse in time or scene change^^^

Disclaimer: (looks around) Nope . . .  (still looking) Nahun . . . I still don't own anything of importance, and I am not making any money off of this fic.  (does a Soun wail) I WANT MONEY!  I WANT TO BE FAMOUS!

Louis Tanent: He's starting to rant again . . .

GSO-Techu6: you desire for me to restrain him?

Death: Nay, when before he descended into such a span of madness it required a week and a trio of trusted companions to revert him back to uniformity.

Me: (darkly) If I remember correctly, the reason I had gone mad then was because you guy had tried to forcefully breakout.

Everyone else: (sweatdrops) Ehhhh . . . (begin performing 'The Crouch of the Wild Tiger') We're Sorry! We're Sorry! We're Sorry! We're Sorry! We're Sorry! We're Sorry! We're Sorry!

Me: (back to normal) Anyway . . . can you believe it . . . Four chapters already . . . (back to delusional state) I may actually be (gasp) a writer!

Scarabmon: (appearing from behind Death's robe) so . . . Techu . . . you were saying something about using restraints...

Vanagar Intetor: (to the audience) while the others are fitting the author for a strait jacket, allow me to introduce part 4 of 'Will They Ever Learn?' . . .

**CHAPTER 4: **

**SHOWDOWN AT FURINKAN HIGH**

I was awakened by the sun glaring through the window.  This, at first, seemed odd until I realized that Pop was in no condition to spar this morning after mom's little 'discussion' with him and Mr. Tendo last night.

*****flashback*****

Nodoka is sharpening her katana in front of Mr. Tendo and Genma (in panda form) in the dojo.  The other residents are observing the whole scene from Nabiki's laptop in her room. 

"Now," Nodoka said in a calm, but sharp, voice.  "I talked with Ranma and Akane and the engagement between them will stand, but the wedding will not be held until 'they' say they are ready, understand?"  Panda soup seasoned with a hint of crybaby . . . 

"Yes, Nodoka," [Yes, Dear] were the responses coming from the two figures in front of her.  Currently, both were performing the 'Crouch of the Wild Tiger' technique.

"Good," Came her reply with an overly nice smile.  "Soun, if you would be so kind, I would like to have a word alone with my husband."

Soun gave a cheesy grin and bowed as he made a hasty departure.  Panda barbeque, anyone?

It was then that Kasumi closed the laptop, to everyone else's complaint.  "I do believe we should honor Mrs. Saotome's request also." That statement quickly diffused all of our protest, as we quietly went to our separate rooms.

*****end flashback*****

I yawned, did a few stretches, and got dressed, careful to put on my long-sleeve shirt.  Panda snores I can sleep through, panda screams . . . that is a whole other story.

As I was leaving my room (careful not to waken my mother), I saw Akane leaving her room wearing what could only be her jogging outfit.

Time to feign ignorance.  "Morning, Akane. Wha'ch doing up so early?"

Startled, she turned around with a slight gasp. "Oh, good morning Ranma.  I was just going out for my morning jog." She gave me an inquisitive look, "How about you?  I thought I was the only one who would wake up so early."

"Well, Pops usually wakes me up early for morning sparing," I started to say as we headed downstairs.  "Unfortunately he is in no condition to fight today," I said while pointing to the lump of fur lying down next to table.   You reap what you sow, Pops

"Why don't you join me on my jog?" She asked as we headed out the front door.   "It'll also allow you to get to see the town some more."

"Sure," I said as we left the dojo perimeter and set out at a light pace.  "Maybe afterwards you and me could spar a little."

She gave me a sarcastic little smirk.  "Is the great Ranma Saotome going to suppress his pride by fighting with a lowly martial artist such as myself?"

I returned the smirk, "Sarcasm doesn't become you, Akane."

^^^later at breakfast^^^

"School?"  Of course  I asked while finishing off my breakfast.

"Well, you are going to be staying a while. Especially since you are engaged to Akane." Mom said while sitting on top of the panda.  Pop, in panda form, added to the conversation by holding up three signs. [Wait! Don't go!] [Help me!] [She may want to TALK again!]

"It's the same school me and Akane go to." Nabiki stated while walking through the door behind me.  "I'll see both of you there." She then disappeared out the front door.

A few minutes later, Akane came through the same door. "Where is Nabiki?" she said, a little out of breath.

"Oh, she's already gone to school," I said while checking my supplies. "By the way, I need you to show me were the school is."  It was then that Akane looked over at the clock.

"Oh No! Were going to be late. Come on Ranma!" Before I could blink, Akane grabbed me by the pigtail, grabbed both of our bags, and dashed out the front door.

"Have a good day at school son!" Mom yelled as we zoomed out the gate.  One can only hope

After spending a few seconds imitating a windsock, I got the attention of my pilot.  "Hay, Akane!  Could you put me down or would you prefer to continue using me as a human kite."

She slowed down enough that gravity took hold of me again but didn't say a word.  "Now, mind telling me how we're going to be late if we got there about an hour before the late bell rings."

"Ok, but keep moving," Akane said while speeding back up.  "Every morning, before classes, I get challenged to a fight . . ."

"Oh, really, by who? I interrupted.  As if I don't know

"Nearly the entire male population of Furinkan High School," she continued flatly.  Hentai horde… those bakas

". . . You're kidding me, right Akane?  . . . Akane?"  I was being ignored because we just arrived within sighting distance of the school and hearing distance of what could only be described as a mob.

"There she i . . .!", "Date with me Akane Ten . . .!", and "I shall defeat you!" Were just some of the sounds coming from the various boys at the front gate.  All this yelling was punctuated by them saying together, "LET'S GET HER!"

I decided to observe the slaughter (it couldn't possibility be called a battle) from the top of the wall next to the gate.  Best seat in the house  Akane plowed through the various perverts with such force that she resembled a tornado more than a person.  Even the ones with some martial arts training, easily identified by their gis, didn't stand a chance.

"Ranma!" Nabiki yelled from the second floor of the main building.  "Get in this school! Now!"

"Just a second," I yelled back. "This is interesting!"

The whole incident finally ended when the weight lifter was K.O.ed by his own barbell.

"For Pete's sake. Every morning," Akane sighed as she caught her breath and brushed her long hair back.  "What a drag."

It was then I heard the voice I've been dreading since I came to this dimension.  "Truly. Such a boorish lot."  Not so much as the pig that leads them  He came across the yard in all his 'glory' chewing on the stem of a rose and dressed in kendo robes, minus the armor.  "Evidently each of them intends to ask you out, Akane . . ."  Fat chance . . .  ". . . on the dawn that he finally DEFEATS you."   . . . in Hades

"Oh, Upperclassman," Akane said dryly.  "Good morning."  Sarcasm was poured into every syllable of those simple words.

"And now, Akane Tendo . . ." the pig flung his rose into Akane's hand, ". . . might you fight with me?" and pointed his bokken at her.

I decided it was time to get directly involved.  "Hay, Akane, Are you almost done?  Class is about to begin and . . ."

"You there!" I suddenly had a bokken pointed at me, less than a foot from my face.  "You are being quite familiar with Akane." There was a rumble in the background.

"Of course, after all we're . . . mumph . . ." my words were halted by Akane's hand over my mouth.

"Not here, baka," my fiancée whispered so that only I could hear, "and not in front of HIM." 

"Who are you, boor?" The idiot continued, ignoring Akane's actions.  "Ah!  But it is the custom to give one's own name first!  Fine then! Mine I shall give!"

I rubbed the bridge of my nose, "If it makes you feel better . . ."  I wish I didn't have to listen to him ramble

"My name . . ." the crazy kendoist started to rant.  ". . . is upperclassman Kuno.  Junior.  Group E.  Captain of the Kendo Club.  Undefeated new star of the high school fencing world.  But my peers call me . . . the Blue Thunder of Furinkan High!" As if nature was agreeing with him, a lightening bolt struck in the distance.  I should probably figure out how he made that storm appear

"Well then, I'm Ranma Saotome, Heir to the Saotome School of Anything-Goes Martial Arts," I countered as I put my bookbag down.  "As for how I know Akane . . . Well I am staying at the Tendo training hall . . ."

"What?!" Kuno took a diagonal swing at me, which I dodged.  "Under the same roof as AKANE?!"  Duh

"Watch my bag for a sec Akane," I said as I landed.  "As for you Kuno . . . I accept your challenge!"

Another lightening bolt appeared in the sky.

"So you scoundrel, hounding Akane, eh?" Kuno said as he took a step forward.  "I, Upperclassman Kuno, shall bring you to justice!"

I scowled and took an offensive stance.  "Shut-up, baka, and fight."

Kuno charged forward with an over-head strike meant to cleave my head in half, but instead cleaved the wall that was behind me.  Meanwhile, I snuck behind him and into another offensive stance, left hand forward, and two fingers pointed at him.  When Kuno finally turned around to face me, I jabbed my fingers straight at his forehead.  Time to show off some When I was done with my creative writing, I stepped forward and rammed my knee into his gut followed by elbow into his back.  Kuno fell before he had a chance to cry out in pain.

To quote Vash the Stampede . . .  "Just no skill," I said while walking toward Akane who had a blank look on her face.

**"DEMON!" huh . . . I thought I just knocked him out**

I spun around to see Kuno in mid-swing of another overhead strike.  I don't have time to dodge! 

"Ranma, look out!" Akane yelled.

Acting fast, I brought my wrist together over my head and waited until the bokken was within a millimeter of from them.

"I will smite you," declared Kuno with venom in his voice.

Within the next few seconds, I brought my hands shoulder-width apart, blocked the strike, returned my hands to their original position, and planted a sidekick into Kuno's chest.

The blow caused him to skid along the school grounds and come to a stop at the base of a tree.

Kuno brought his head up and propped himself up on one elbow.  "Saotome . . . I . . . fight . . . unnn . . ." It was then that his eyes rolled back into his head as he lapsed into unconsciousness. Curiously, the sky decided to start clearing up right then.

I turn back to face Akane again, who looked back at me with a wide-eyed, blank look on her face.  Probably trying to comprehend all she just saw

Riiiinnnnnnngggggggggggg!

That sound broke us out of our reverie as we both ran into the school at high speeds.

^^^In homeroom class^^^

"Well, it does seem to be true that you were in China until recently," The teacher stated in a monotone voice as I stood at the front of the classroom observing the other students. "But that doesn't change the fact that both you and Akane Tendo . . ." Akane and I both suddenly found ourselves with two buckets, each . . . ". . . were late. Stand in the hall." . . . and out in the hallway.

After a few moments of silence, Akane glared at me through the corner of her eye and said, "Ok, spill it."

"What?"

"When you blocked Kuno's last attack, I saw a flash of something in your hands," She turned her head toward me to further her glare.  "And don't say that you just used a technique because his blow would have at least left a bruise on your arms."

"Oh, that?" I smiled back at her as I rolled my wrist around and nudged my right sleeve up to reveal a wristband holding down a small metal rod.

"What is that?" Akane asked, quiet enough to so that the teacher couldn't hear.

"'That', my dear Akane, is a retractable metal rod," I rolled my sleeve back down.  "I always wear one as a Just-in-case defensive tool."  at least after I merged

Akane lowered her head, shaking it back and forth, while an odd grin played across her face.  "You are a strange one, Ranma Saotome.  Whenever I think I understand you, you do something new."  Just wait till she finds out about the Neko-ken or the Dragon Whisker

"Speaking of strange, what did Kuno mean by '. . . intends to ask you out, on the dawn that he finally defeats you'?" I said while staring at the far wall.

My fiancée, at the sound of my question, brought her head up, bared her teeth, a glared at the wall.  Good, she is directing her anger at them instead of me "Kuno told them at the beginning of the year . . . 'If you wish to take Akane out . . . DEFEAT her! I will permit no other terms!'"  She turned her head to look squarely at my face.  "The end result is what you saw this morning."

I just shook my head and sighed, being sure that she heard me.  "And here I thought I was clueless about women . . ." Akane seemed to release some of her anger because of my choice of words, and smiled crept onto her face as she looked in my direction again.  ". . . but Kuno makes me look like an expert."  In response, my fiancée thanked me for my choice of words with a big smile.  I would do almost anything to see that smile

We both turned our heads to the left when we heard a slight shuffle and the tapping of a staff.  "Well, well . . . speak of the buffoon . . ." was Akane's commit as Kuno limped around the corner, using his bokken as a cane.  . . . and he will come.

"Ranma Saotome . . . (pant) you foul demon . . . (pant) (pant)" came Kuno's voice from behind the hair hanging over his face.  "Never . . . (pant) (gasp) Never shall I permit your engagement to the fair Akane!"  Nabiki must have told him

It was then that chaos descended upon the three of us in the form of the rest of the class.  Leaning out the windows into the hallway, our classmates began bombarding us with questions, none of which could be understood because of the number of questioners.  Aw, come on!  Could someone please shut them up!

"Cease this pointless debate!" Kuno declared while facing the students, having seemed to regain his strength in the presence of a crowd.  That'll do pig . . . that'll do "For I shall defeat this demon thus terminating any hold he my have on the lady Tendo!"  

Any dramatic effect Kuno's declaration might have had was lost when Akane, our classmates, and even the teacher began laughing and pointing at his face.  The reason for their laughter was the words '**INCOMPETENT BAKA' bruised onto Kuno's forehead.**

After about a minute of uninterrupted hysterics, the only thing clearly written across the upperclassman's face, besides the marks I left, was his injured pride.

"Sorry, were you saying something Kuno?" I sarcastically stated with a smirk.

At first, it looked like the humiliation had caused Kuno's brain to shutdown.  But then, I noticed that his left hand, the one holding his bokken, began to shake.  This tremor began to travel up his arm and when it reached his neck it became accompanied by an angry red flush.  

It was then I noticed the new look on Kuno's face.  His mouth was in a snarl that looked ready to breathe fire and his eyes were on the verge of shooting lightening bolts, both for the soul purpose of striking me dead.  Oh boy, HE'S GONNA BLOW!

**_"SAOTOME!!!!!" _To punctuate his anger, Kuno raised his bokken high, almost spearing a hole thru the ceiling.  "I SHALL NO LONGER PERMIT THIS BISMIRCHMENT TO MY HONOR!  FIGHT ME, HERE AND NOW, SAOTOME!  As a sigh of his challenge, he performed a downward slash, leaving the point of the bokken touching the floor.**

Unfortunately, the force of Kuno's strike split the bucket sitting between us.  Thus, in accordance with 'The Laws of Jusenkyo Curses', I received a face-full of water and an abrupt transformation to female.

The sudden change in my appearance **finally** caused Kuno's brain to shut down.  I could tell because his eyes had glazed over and his lower jaw hung loose.  Then, to my horror, he got a look that I never wanted to see on a guy's face, a look of love.  No!  No!  No!  I wanted him to hate me, not **this**.

Faster than the normal eye could see, the delusional kendoist was down on one knee in front of me, holding my right hand in both of them.  "Oh, my beautiful water goddess.  I thank you for banishing that foul demon back to the underworld.  Now that he is where he belongs, I shall show my appreciation by allowing you to da . . ."  I decided to give Kuno's mouth a break by shoving left palm into his face, being sure to press down hard onto his temples with my fingers.  BAKA . . .

When Kuno finally stopped trying to talk into my hand, I turned to face Akane.  It was kinda funny to see her calmly standing while everyone else around her were unconscious on their feet from the shock.  "Hay Akane, could you take care of this moron while I go and change back?"

"No problem," she answered as she cracked her knuckles and looked down toward the love-struck Kuno with an evil grin.

After changing back and quickly explaining my curse, the teacher let us back into class.  And so, the day proceeded in a reasonable order.  Kuno would attack at the beginning of each of our classes, hoping to be assisted by his 'water goddess'; either Akane or I would beat him up, depending wither or not I got splashed; class would then return to normal till next period; during lunch we alternated between fighting Kuno, eating, and battling the more stubborn members of the 'hentai horde'; and finally spending all of P.E. either being chased by Kuno while in my girl-form, or fighting him while in my guy form.  

"What a day . . ." was Akane's commented with a sigh as we headed back to the dojo.  "I think I have attacked more today than I have the past month."  Probably so . . .

When we walk past what I knew to be Dr. Tofu's clinic, I spoke up for the first time during our trip home.  "Hey, Akane . . ." she perked at the sound of my voice, acknowledging that she heard me.  "Thanks . . . you were a big help today."  Crossing my arms as I continued speaking, "Course, I could have handled all of those morons myself . . ." I felt her aura begin to ignite, so I finished my sentence before she decided to deck me.  ". . . but your help was still appreciated, thank you Akane."

Before Akane had taken the chance to respond, we had reached the front gates of the dojo.  "Welcome home you two," my mom said as she opened the front door.  "Did you have a good day at school son?"

"Yeah, wonderful," I replied in a dry voice as we followed her inside.  As wonderful as dentist visit . . .

"That's good to hear," my mom said, completely oblivious to my sarcasm.  At least today was better than it could have been.

More author's notes:

Me: Wow this chapter turned out a lot longer than I expected.

Death: Methinks that shall please your reviewers to no end.

GSO-Techu6: I accordance with due process; opinions, suggestions, and productive criticism shall be accepted, but any flames shall be disposed of in a 'quick' and 'orderly' manner.

Ignis Finard: (grumbles to himself) I'll give you 'quick and orderly'.


	6. Chapter 5 Part 1: Dealing with Kuno

Author's Notes:

Me: Hello all you happy people, and don't despair. For this chapter will finally wrap up what is book one in the original story.

Sarul Talah: JUST BOOK ONE!?! (starts beating head on wall)

(Wall shatters)

(Sarul starts beating head on cabinet)

Me: (sigh) Glad I didn't tell him that it is going to be so long that it will be in two parts.  Any'who, while Sarul is slowly decimating my dorm room, I just wanted to say that this chapter is going to be very similar to the canon Ranma but a few small change I made will be very important in later chapters or correspond with previous changes. So be patient and enjoy my pov of this part of Ranma ½.

Scarabmon: As always, the author doesn't own them. An if you try and sue him, forcing him to waste his tuition money on a lawyer, I will be paying you a visit in my mega form (Mythmon), and I will unleash a 'Legendary Blast' on you.

Me: Also I would like to point out that I have gone back and revised all previous chapters to this story.  The reason why is that, while fanfiction.net allowed me to post my story, it didn't like the format I had written my story in.  Thus, some portions of the story's chapters were deleted and I only recently found out. So…  I request that all my readers go back and reread those chapters, please.

**WILL THEY EVER LEARN? CHAPTER 5**

**Part 1**: **Dealing with a Kuno**

Today seemed like every other day.  Akane and I ran to school, preparing to fight the Hentai Horde, and hopping we wouldn't be late, except for one thing… I was mad…

It wasn't because, almost everyone in the school found out about my curse after my first day, through either Nabiki, Akane, or myself…

Actually, I was glad that they did. I figured that it would clear up much confusion beforehand…

No, I was mad for a much more serious reason…

For today was Monday… As in the, day after Sunday…

The Sunday that Kuno had confessed his undying love for my girl-side…

Yes, Nabiki had given me the letter that everyone else had assumed was a challenge…

Yes, knew that if I went, he was going to profess his love to me…

Yes, I had still gone, planning to pound him into the ground when he got done…

Unfortunately, I didn't account for how utterly NASTY it felt to hear him say IT.  

I was so sickened by it that I FORGOT to make him feel pain beyond description.  What's worse, IT was even MORE DISGUSTING to hear him say IT in my nightmare last night. 

I was so mad that day that I barely noticed it when Akane and I plowed straight through the Hentai Horde…

I was so mad that I increased my speed when I saw Kuno, getting ahead of my fiancée…

I was so mad that I gave him a running uppercut, which sent Kuno to the roof of the school, before he even said a word…

…and did I mention that I was mad.

"What's happened yesterday that got you so upset?" my fellow horde plow asked as we ran to room 1-F.

"Let's just say I was told something that I NEVER wanted to hear him say," I responded as we reached our desks. Nor any other male for that matter

^^^outside, just before school let out^^^

"Speak your peace Kuno, before I pound you just for looking at me," was all I could say while trying to stare down the slightly taller upperclassman.

"Feh, that will be Upperclassman to you, Saotome." was Kuno statement, saying my name like it was a curse, as he dropped a toy panda into my hand. "Tell me why I must give this to you."  Is it humanly possible to be that dumb… Probably thinking that I didn't understand him, Kuno restated his question.  "Tell my why!  To quote Nabiki Tendo, 'If you want to give her your panda, give it to Ranma Saotome.'  Now answer me… how do YOU know my water goddess?!"

As hard as it is to believe, my scowl deepened.  "First of all, she isn't yours."  I shoved the doll into his chest.  As I slowly began to walk away I left him with this small threat, "Second, if I hear about you ever trying to go near her again, you won't be quoting anything, EVER AGAIN."

As I walked behind some trees I had the bad luck that the automatic sprinklers came on just then. This just isn't my day, or week for that matter

"Ranma Saotome, how dare you try to keep me from my love!" Was Kuno's battle cry as he destroyed the tree that kept me from his view.

Once he caught full sight of me in girl-form, Kuno beamed and said in a joyous voice, "Oh my love, I thank thee for coming to my aid again."  He then preceded to glomp me in a tight bear hug.  "Unfortunately, I must ask you to stand back.  For the one who wishes to separate us is near."

Ok Nabiki, three… two… one! ~Splash~

"Nearer than you think Kuno-baby.  Sorry, was that too hot Ranma?"  Nabiki calmly asked after splashing us both with the water.

"Ranma…?" came Kuno's voice from where he had buried his face into my shoulder.

"Let… me… go… NOW!" I clarified while kicking Kuno in the chest, pushing him back to an arm's distance.  I brushed my hair out of my face while rubbing my temples, "Because it takes so long for you to understand things, I'll overlook what you just did. Goodbye!"

Just as I was about to pass by Nabiki, I was stopped by the words, "Hold, Saotome!  I command you to release the goddess from your demonic powers!" Ok… it is humanly possible for **him to be that dense.**

"Kuno…" I began while slapping my forehead with my hand.

"Hmmmm… I guess we'll just have to clarify things for him."  Nabiki muttered, and before I could react, she started giving her explanation to the kendoist. "Listen here Kuno-baby…" Nabiki's prompting caused Kuno to scoot closer to her as she spoke in a voice I barely heard.  "That girl, her soul, her body, are all his.  You get what I'm saying, right?" …as clear as mud for that fool, I bet.

It was then that Kuno's head blew it's stack like Olympus Mons.  **"Tyrant!"** was my not-so-worthy adversary's battle cry as he tried to dissect me with a horizontal slash.

"You truly are a moron, aren't you Kuno?"  I asked while keeping a death-grip on the tree trunk behind me, after my last-second jump.

"Silence, demon!"  Kuno yelled back, "I can see it all." He then when into a blank-faced state where, I bet, he puts pictures and sound to his delusions. I don't exactly know what he is envisioning… and I don't want to know. "How wretched… you devourer of purity!"  It was then that he began attacking with a bunch of wild swings that I could of dodged even if Kuno was thinking clearly.

"Kuno, get a grip!"  I dodged a diagonal swipe.

"By felling you, the water goddess will be free to be by my side forever."  He performed several spearing thrust at my abdomen.

"You moron!"  I noticed Akane viewing the fight from next to the statue as I jumped over his attacks.  "I thought I told you to that she isn't yours." Was my reply as I grabbed the tip of his bokken, shoved the butt of the handle into his gut, and rammed my left elbow into his ribs.

Unfortunately, despite my full willpower, I got distracted by the pictures falling from his shirt.  For my inattention, I received a blow to my lower left side as Kuno yelled, "Fool!"

PAIN!!!  @^$#^$@%, I shouldn't of assumed that he was going to try and hit my right side.

As soon as my feet touched the ground, I began to snatch the photos of Akane and me out of mid-air, all the while ignoring Kuno's continued attack and my new wound.  *@#$#$@%^$, I though I was careful enough so that Nabiki **WOULDN'T** get pictures of me.

"Daring to look elsewhere during a battle…" the kendoist calmly asked, pausing form his pervious assault.  "…you don't take me seriously!!" he yell while making another thrusting strike toward my throat, which I leaned back, Matrix-like, to avoid. Eat your heart out Neo!

Unfortunately, the laws of physics, no matter how twisted, still do apply in this world. Thus, I began to tumble backwards, and rolled over to Akane's feet.  She gave me a small glare.  "As you probably noticed…" she said in a serious tone toward my upside-down form.  "…when he battles a **male opponent, Upperclassman Kuno is VERY skilled."**

"And as you probably noticed…" I retorted with a smile, while keeping myself from looking up her skirt.  "Even at his best, I'm still winning."

"Then go back and finish this already!" she yelled, kicking me like a soccer ball back toward Kuno.

As I did a few midair flips, I notice that Kuno focusing his chi into his bokken. So the moron does have some skills "This game ends!" he hissed as he unleashed a vicious barrage of strikes that blurred with the speed.  The force of his attack was so strong that I heard the monument behind me crack from the air pressure.

I saw my fiancée was still standing next to the statue and yelled, "Move it, Akane!" Too which she responded with, "Look out!" Oh… right… I'm still fighting Kuno I turned around and moved my left foot across my opponent's chest, supporting myself on just one hand.

By the time my feet touched the ground, Kuno had hit the dirt, unconscious.

"How…?" Nabiki began to ask as Akane flipped Kuno over onto his back.

When all three of us could see the many shoes marks I left on Kuno, Akane commented, "Wow, each blow has hit a vulnerable spot."

Nabiki squatted down next to the unconscious kendoist.  "You kicked him? I never even saw it."

"He earned all of them." I replied while cracking my knuckles and my neck.  Akane looked up at me, "What do you mean, Ranma?"

I held up the photos that I had grabbed from Kuno and showed them to my fiancée. "That pervert had these on him."

A knowing look dawned on Akane's face "Nabiki, how could you!"

"Just making a little money on the side."

"Really, my own sister!"

While the two younger Tendo sisters were yelling at each other, I decided to check on my wound, "Ah… Ah… Ouch!" definitely gonna need more than a band-aid

Akane paused in her argument with her sister to notice me checking on my injury. "Hay Ranma, how's the wound."

I gave her a confident smile, "Nothing too serious, but I'll feel better if we got a professional to look at it."

Akane returned the smile, "Kuno my be a perverted baka," she said, "but he is a perverted baka who is also a martial artist.  Come on, I'll take you to Dr. Tofu."

^^Dr. Tofu's Clinic^^

"Hmmmmmmmmm…"  Dr. Tofu Ono commented.  "Astounding…"  I was laying on my side on one of the tables in the back of the clinic while the good doctor sat on a stool behind me. Mumbling coming from his lips while he examined my wound.

"What is it doctor?" Akane ask from where she was standing over Tofu's shoulder.

"You say that he received this cut from Kuno less than 5 minutes ago…" I saw her nod her head out of the corner of my eye.  "…Well in my professional opinion, he looks like he already had a half-hour to heal.  From the way you had described the injury, I thought he was going to at least need stitches, but he is just going to need some disinfectant and a gauze wrap."

I rolled over onto my back and raised an eyebrow.  "You know, you two talking like I am not here while looking my injuries is rather creepy."  Akane had a slightly embarrassed blush on her face while Dr. Tofu pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose.  "For your information, Pop's family has a history of being quick healers.  That, added to all the endurance training I went through when I was younger, means that bounce back better'n a yo-yo."

In response to my statement, Dr. Tofu just gave a good-hearted laugh.  "Ha, Ha! Well, you certainly are an interesting patient." He began to properly dress my wound. Why do treatments seem to hurt more than the wounds? "By the way, you're Ranma, right?  I hear you're Akane's fiancé."  He tightens the bandage, now wrapped around my stomach.

Neither of us make a sound to confirm or deny the comment while I found great interest in the tile flooring.  After a moment, I look up to see that Akane also found interest in the patterns below her, and sporting a blush covering the upper half of her face.  WAIT?  AM I BLUSHING ALSO?

"I can see that this is a touchy subject," said Dr. Tofu while he handed me back my shirt.  "Understandable, after all you're still children."

Akane seemed disappointed, "Yes, Doctor." She's getting depressed

"I don't know, Doc…" I said with a grin after pulling my shirt over my face.  "Akane looks more like a woman to me."  At my words, my fiancée renewed her blush.

As Akane and I left the clinic, Dr. Tofu held me back by the shoulder for a second and said, "That was a very nice thing to say."  Smiling, "she's lucky to have a nice fiancé like you."  I returned the smile and ran to catch up with Akane.

After we were a block away from the clinic, I barely heard Akane whisper, "Thank you, Ranma." Those three words made the whole week all worthwhile.

^^^Next Day, Breakfast^^^

[Starting today, I have a part-time job] came the old panda's sign from the dining room table.

"A part-time job?" I asked while wringing out my shirt on the back porch. Fortunately, I was smart enough to first grab the white tank-top I normally sleep in, thus preserving some of my modesty.

"Genma, you better not be planning to work at a zoo."  Mom said with sarcastic frown from her spot at the table.  "It wouldn't be very honorable to do so, would it dear?"

[Of… of… of course not Nodoka…] Pop signed, sporting a nervous grin that was highly bizarre on a panda's face.

Completely ignoring the conversation, Nabiki asked, "Auntie, could you please pass the soy sauce?"

After a few moments of pointless conversations, I finished up my meal, glanced around for a clock, and said, "Hey Akane, what time is it?"

Akane looked down at her watch, "It's a quarter past… OH GREAT, we're going to be late again! Come on Ranma!" Once again, I took flight due to a pull on my pigtail and my fiancée's 'mad dash' speed.

To top it all off, It appeared to be destiny that I should arrive at school female today.  The reason why is that, as I was being dragged along, I go soaked by not only the ladle lady, but also a car hitting a puddle in the road, a group of kids playing with their water guns, and a dog shaking itself dry after climbing out of the canal.  "Akane, could you…"

"Not now Ranma.  We're going to be late."

"But Akane…"

"I said later Ranma."

"But…"

"Ranma, just shut up, would you!" she yelled as we passed through the front gates of school.  She then paused for a second to push me against the interior wall.  "When are you going to learn that it is better to listen that…"  She stopped in mid-rant as her eyes darted from my red hair, down to my chest, and back again.  To seemingly confirm her observations, Akane opened up my shirt enough to reveal some of my female body's cleavage.

"You were saying something about it being 'better to listen'…" That girl sometimes seems to have a one-tracked mind

Before she had a chance to respond, Akane and I sensed and then faced the mob of boys that had suddenly appeared behind her.  "What do you want you morons?"

Probably assuming that they were here for their morning challenge, Akane got into a fighting stance and yelled, "Well, who's first today, huh?"

One of the boys, wearing a striped shirt and tears in his eyes, stepped forward.  "Akane… Ranma-chan…" he said while nodding to each of us in turn.  "We will no longer challenge either of you." Another stepped forward, "Instead we shall all swallow our sobs and give our approval to your engagement!"

"What in the name of…" Both Akane and I exclaimed at once. Bout time

"So then, you have all heard this rumor, this falsehood…" Kuno bellowed from behind the horde, faster than we could voice our thoughts.  "…that Ranma Saotome defeated me!"  The crowd parted, revealing a bandaged up Kuno. Well lookie, lookie… it's Shakespeare's mummy "Upperclassman Kuno does not admit defeat!" but you did get a taste of MY FEET

"Kuno was the greatest fighter at Furinkan High!" a boxer from the group said. "Yeah, and the greatest pervert!" another spoke up.

"PERVERT?!" Kuno yelled, but was completely ignored.

"Akane, if you have truly chosen Ranma…" one of the more normal-dressed boys said. "…then we shall give you up."

The mummified kendoist than began to unwrap the bandages from his face.  "Feh, Kuno shall not give either of you up." As his wrappings fell, everyone could clearly see the bruise marks, in the shape of my feet, on his face. "Lookit his face." A few students began to whisper.

Oblivious to these comments, Kuno continued, "A hundred… two hundred kicks… From a cowardly demon like Ranma… don't even itch!"

"Care to test that theory again, Kuno." I said while walking forward and cracking my knuckles.  "Cause, this time, I could always send you into oblivion with my fist, instead of my feet."

Kuno turned to face me and gave me a loving look that caused my insides to curl-up, "I know not what you say, beloved water goddess.  For it was the demonic counterpart to your radiant beauty that had dared to touch my noble self in such a disrespectful way."  Both Akane and I hung our heads and sighed. A first-grader would of figured out the truth by now, so why can't he  "But fear not, for I will slay the beast that dares call himself a man, then you and the fair Akane Tendo shall be free to display your love for me."  At the last part of his speech, Kuno **tried to gather both my fiancée and my female self into a loving embrace.  His offer was promptly rejected by my foot and Akane's fist making contact with his face.**

While Kuno experienced the joys of unconsciousness again, both Akane and I turned to face the rest of the crowd.  "Well, we've said our piece." One of the horde boys said while waving us off.  "Congratulations Ranma-chan, you too Akane!" Another yelled to our retreating forms.

^^^PE Class^^^

Despite the best efforts of my classmates, I was able to leave the locker room male, and without them sneaking any looks at my female form.  Plus, I was then able to impress them and the coach by performing a complex pattern on the uneven parallel bars.

Unfortunately, that didn't keep the two guy now sitting next to me, who identified themselves as Hiroshi and Daisuke, from asking every question that came into their perverted little minds. morons

Donnnng! The sound of the bat hitting the ball interrupted their questions, as Akane jump into the air yelling, "Got it!"  She caught the ball, giving the third out.

I felt my heart skip two beats as my fiancée gave a real, genuine smile to her teammates. "Man, she's cute…" said Hiroshi as he stared at the girls.

"No…" I whispered, "beautiful…"

I must of started to daydream because the next thing I noticed was the softball that impacted my forehead, and I was **forcefully** returned to my inner-thoughts.

^^^@_@^^^

"…Unhhh…" I woke up leaning on someone's shoulders, who apparently was strong enough to drag me standing up.

"I'm sorry…" who's that? …girl's voice… WAIT, I know her… "I'm so sorry Ranma. I hope you'll wake up soon." came Akane's voice again.

"Whho saids I'n noht alweady?" I asked in a slurred voice while lifting my head to look at the person next to me.

"Ranma!" the two Akanes I was seeing suddenly let go of me, but then caught me when they notice that I was still having trouble standing. "Don't worry, I'm taking you to Dr. Tofu's. He'll help… Ranma I'm so sorry." They said in one voice.

"Sal'riht Akanes, I neaded a nap…" Sleepy, sleepy, need pillow…

"Baka… You'll be alright, we're almost to the clinic…?"  The pause in her sentence was due to the black and white furry creature that was sweeping in front of our destination. Fluffy!!! Big Pillow!

"Polps wha are u doing here?" Said panda looked up, and took note of my current condition. [What happened boy? You look like you got your butt kicked.] It was Lady Akane… in the batter's cage… with the bat and softball…

Neither of us bothered to answer him when Dr. Tofu walked out. After observing my delirious condition, he wordlessly helped Akane move me through the door and onto a table. Once I was laying down, I decided to return to oblivion.

^^^*_*^^^

When I finally re-awoke, I saw that I was in the lobby of Tofu's office, except everything was tilted to the right. You would think it would hurt having your head at a 90-degree angle from normal...

I started to make my way into the patient area… when I heard a familiar young woman giggle and decided to go find Akane. Better move it while I'm still in one piece

As I was leaving the clinic, I saw several people standing around the door.  They all gave me pitying looks for my current neck alignment. Must be his regulars…

^^^Tendo Dojo^^^

After announcing my return, I used my 'now' fully vertical self to make my way toward the sound of crushing concrete. Who knew mom studies pressure points

Finding Akane in the small area between the Dojo and the main house, I waited until she was leaning one-handed on the wall before I made my way over. Should I say something…

Without even looking in my direction, she asked in a cold voice "What do you want?"

"Well I was going to ask about what happened while I was out, but right now I was wondering why you seem so down."

"Is this your way of trying to cheer me up?"

"MAAAAAAAAYYYYYBE…" I replied, giving her my cheesiest grin.

Akane rolled her eyes. "Sense you look in better shape, and spirits, do you have a moment?", she said while walking back toward the dojo.

Soon the sounds of our sparing could be heard throughout the structure.

"WHISHHHH!!!" I side-stepped her side-kick…

"SHOOF!!!" …blocked her punch…

"WOOOOSH!!!" …and curled under her crescent-kick. "Come on! Fight back!" she yelled.

"Uh…why?"

"What do you mean 'why'!?", "WHPP!!!" I jumped over another side-kick. "How can I work out my stress if you won't fight back?!"

"Why should I focus on this fight… if you aren't either?"

"Wha…" Akane gave me a puzzled look as she stopped in mid-kick. She should think before she answers…

Not letting her say anything more, I asked, "Akane… don't you get tired of being angry most of the time?"

"I…" …not yet

"After all… you're cute when you smile." To emphasize my point, I smiled at her.

"MM…" she muttered.

"That was fun," I said while walking toward the door. "If you wanna spar again, just ask…" I smiled back at her again, "…or if you just want to talk again."

^^^Later…^^^

I was walking by Akane, leaving the bath that she was about to enter. "Arigato…" she whispered, "…Ranma…"

Author Notes:

Me: Wow! That was long for the 'first half' of this chapter…

Sarul Talah: FIRRRSSST PARRRT!!! (faints)

Vanagar Intitor: Medic!

(Vanagar and GSO-Techu6 drag Sarul off)

Death: If he had doth panic more, mine he would have become.

Me: You can't win them all Death…

Konton: FYI, thanks goes out to all that helped with this chapter (there are too many to list them all)

Lunix95: The author would also like to apologize for the delay with this chapter… reality has been most uncooperative.

Me: (grumbles)


	7. Chapter 5 Part 2: 'Greeting Ryoga'

Author's Notes:

(Death, Konton, and the three bounty hunter walk in)

Death: Where thus has our master of poor design gone to?

Konton: (leans against a boulder) Yea, Ignis is almost swamped with everyone asking where Psychs is.

Sarul Talah: He'ssss prrrrobably jusssst being lazy…

Voice: I am not lazy!!! And Konton, my pin name is Psycho King, not Psychs!!!

(All five look down to see the author pinned under the boulder)

Konton: Dude, what happened to you?

GSO-Techu6: I have analyze the situation and found the cause (point to the words 'Two-Ton Writer's Block' engraved into the rock's side)

Vanagar Intitor: That… has to hurt

Me: (twitch, twitch) (twitch, twitch)

Death: Any recommendations on the most productive route to thwarting this predicament?

Scarabmon: (walks in) I have an idea… (waves his limbs toward the shadow behind him) Guys, allow me to introduce my good friend, ChaosGatomon.

(A black version of Gatomon walks in, her fur reflecting all the colors of the rainbow)

ChaosGatomon: Alright boys, stand back! (cracks her knuckles thru her gloves) Cause it's time to let the cat out of the bag, Rift Paw! (strikes the rock with her paw, causing it to be sucked into a small black hole)

Me: Yes! I'm Free!!!!! (Instantly begins typing away the next chapter)

Death: Woulds't the lady also desire to perform the disclaimer for this chapter?

ChaosGatomon: Gladly, (clears throat) Psycho King doesn't own Ranma 1/2. If he did, he would send me after all those who wish to 'bash' Akane.

Me: Done! Read and weep people!

**Will They Ever Learn? Chapter 5**

**Part 2: 'Greetings Ryoga'**

Gotta get away, Gotta get away, Gotta get away…

"Ranma, wait!" Kasumi yelled as she and Nabiki chased me throughout the house.

"No, and I mean NO!" I replied while trying to hold a towel around my female chest.  After a few more minutes of this runabout, the two older Tendo sisters finally trapped me in a corner.  "I am NOT wearing girls clothes!" I yelled, knowing that it was pointless.

Trying to be reasonable, Kasumi said, "But all **your **clothes are in the wash now.  Let me fill your bath now…"  Nabiki interrupted, "You can't just run around naked, y'know!"

"Yea, but…"

"You're a guest here, aren't you?"

^^^Akane's Room^^^

"Ok, explain this to me again…" Akane asked, as she and I sat on the floor.  "…why do you have to loan him **my **clothes?" I decided to just sulk where I was sitting, holding the towel close to my chest as possible.

"Isn't it obvious sis'…" replied Nabiki from inside the closet.  "…you and Ranma-chan are closest in size.  Plus, I don't think Ranma wants to wear anything girly…"

"Duh…" I interrupted while still sulking.

"…and you have the least feminine wardrobe." Akane glared at the back of Nabiki's head and then joined me in sulking.  "…'Kay this'll do…" Nabiki said while pulling something out.

"……"

In what seemed like a few seconds, I was in a dark shirt and a pair of overalls with the word China printed on the chest and on the left leg. could be worse… I wonder why canon-Ranma said that it didn't fit?

"Oooh, it is you!" Nabiki said with a smile.

"You do realize that I'm never going to let this happen again?" I said, knowing that it **must** of been Nabiki who hid my clothes while I was changing.

"We'll see…" she replied as her smile became a mischievous smirk. That smile has spelled doom for many a people…

"Nabiki, you wouldn't!?!" Akane yelled, catching on to what that smirk meant.

**"Sigh…"** Ryoga better get here soon… his' revenge-seeking should get Nabiki's mind back on bets and off of pranks… I hope…

^^^Furinkan High School- one week later^^^

As soon as the bell rang, I ran out of the main school building, hoping that I was moving fast enough to avoid Nabiki's next prank. Why me? -_-'

Apparently, Nabiki had taken my words as a challenge, because for the past week I might as well have been holding up a sigh that says [PRANK ME!].  To make matters worse, when/if I avoided one of the pranks, Nabiki would come up with a more complex one.

"Ranma! Stop!!" I turned my head around and saw my fiancée running, trying to catch up with me.

While I wanted to stop to see what she wanted, Akane had been unknowingly used in Nabiki's pranks before, so I assumed that it might be safer to continue running. I'll ask her what she wanted to tell me later…

About mid-way through a large leap that would of cleared me of the schoolyard, I got a **bad** feeling. Where is it coming from… behind? …no… below? …no… left? …no… right? …no… above?! YES!!! I looked up to see a cloaked figure above, holding a red bamboo umbrella, point-down.

"Ranma! Prepare to die!" Interesting fashion change …wonder why?

I performed a mid-air back flip that landed me next to, a now stopped, Akane. The cloaked figure's umbrella smashed into the ground, creating a huge impact crater about 4 feet across. The wind kicked up by the attack blew the cloak back, revealing a young man wearing black pants, tan shirt, a large backpack, and a yellow and black bandanna tied around his forehead. …wait a second… I never ran into him at Jusenkyo…! O_O'

"You haven't changed a bit, Ranma." As he stood, the figure's cloak settled back around his clothes while the hood rested on his shoulders. He held the umbrella next to his left shoulder as he turned to glare directly into my eyes.  "You're still just as good at running away." Why is he still after my hide?!?

Akane leaned closer and whispered, "You know him?" I'll worry about why he's still after me later… now I need to play my part…

I took a few seconds to act as if I was trying to recall something, "Now I remember!" I pounded my fist into my palm and smiled, "Greetings Ryoga, what brings you to this part of Tokyo?"

"Who?" Akane and a few other students asked.

I turned toward my fiancée, gesturing toward the person standing in front of us, "Akane, this is Ryoga Hibiki, a classmate from my old school."

"Enough!" Ryoga yelled, "That's all in the past," Hypocrite "So just tell me this, Ranma! Why did you run out on our fight?!" I guess he could still be mad about that…

"I waited at the appointed place for three days, Ryoga." I stated.

"Three days?" Akane whispered in shock.

"Yes!" Ryoga said in a menacing growl, "And when I came on the fourth day you had already run away!" Still, he seems too mad for just that… wonder why?

"Uh, Ryoga?" I asked while rubbing my forehead with two fingers. "Why did it take you four days…" I moved my hand to hold up four fingers, "to travel about 500 yards…" held up five fingers, "from your house, along the main road, and reach the large empty lot in our neighborhood?" and traced my forefinger in a path mimicking my directions.

"Grrrrrrrrrrr…" Ryoga clenched his fist while glaring at me from under his bangs. "You… Do you think I was out enjoying myself for those four days?!? I traveled long and far to meet up with you!"

As the other students began to mummer amongst themselves, Akane whispered to me, "Is it possible to have a sense of direction 'that' bad?"

"For anyone else… no," I whispered back, "but for him and his family it's normal."

Ryoga held his umbrella forward, like a sword. "Breaking a vow between men, and running to China with your father!" I barely had enough time to jump back from the attack when he swung at me with the umbrella.

I quickly regained my footing on solid ground, "I take it that you want something more than just to finish our fight."

"Of course, you coward!" Ryoga's umbrella, which had opened up from the force of his last swing, was brought to his side for another strike. "This is revenge!" I dodged again as he flung the parasol at me like a bazaar boomerang. It spun through the air, barely missing several students, and came back to his hand.

"No matter what it takes, Ranma," Ryoga growled, "I shall destroy your happiness"

**"Hold up!!!!!" **came a over-exuberant voice from the second floor of the school. o_O seems there's more to this scene than fans were told…

Everyone looked up to see Nabiki, on the second story balcony with her lackeys, holding a megaphone. **"You, boy in the bandanna!" -_-' oh boy…**

"Grrrrrrrrrr… My name is Ryoga Hibiki, not boy!!!!!" yelled my new-found rival.

**"Whatever," **came Nabiki's amplified voice,** "You wish to fight Ranma, correct?" **…-_-…

"Yes!!!"

**"Well, I have yet to hear of, or see, a formal challenge…" **Despite the volume, Nabiki's voice was very calm and precise. **"… and I take it that you want to publicly defeat him…" **…O_o…

"What's it to you!"

**"For your information," **The ice in Nabiki's voice dropped about 20 degrees,** "Ranma is the hair to my family's martial arts school. If you wish to fight him, you should first send a challenge to the Tendo Dojo. THEN, I will personally guarantee that he will be there, along with the largest audience possible!" **……!!O_O!!……

"Very well!" Ryoga then turned to me, "Ranma, we will meet again."

Ryoga's dramatic exit was wasted when a rope near the front gate caught his foot. A complex system of gears and pulleys, hidden inside the nearby trees, slung him around several times, and launched him in the direction of the canal. "Curse you RAAAAAANNNMMMAAAAAA!!!!!" …-_-'… that was sorta anti-climatic…

As this all went on, Akane and I stood there, stupefied. "Uh… what just happened?" I asked while turning toward my fiancée. "Hmmmm… let's see… Ryoga just tripped the prank I was trying to warn you about, and Nabiki seems to have found a new source of income for the dojo." Akane responded.

"Oh… that's what I thought." I said as we both returned home.

^^^Athletics Field, One Week Later^^^

"So, you think he'll show this time?" Akane asked in an exasperated voice.

"I doubt it," I responded while sitting down and preparing to meditate. After all it's only been five days sense I got his challenge, so it should be two more days… I think Like the last four days, Akane and I had arrived at the sight of battle in response to the challenge, so far with no luck. Following us, Nabiki and her associates were selling food, brochures, and cameras to those students dead-set on seeing the fight.

Akane sighed, "I thought there is a rule about if your opponent doesn't show he forfeits the challenge?" she asked while scanning the horizon for any sigh of Ryoga.

 "I would think so," I said, "but as a martial artist, it is my duty to respond to any challenge I receive… Besides, that baka included an 'in case I am late' clause to the end of his letter."

"I heard that Saotome," growled a voice from my right. "I see you finally had the guts to show up." There stood Ryoga, still wearing his pack and that misplaced cloak.

I snorted and folded my arms, "Your one to talk, Ryoga." My opponent snarled at my come back. "Although, I should congratulate you. I honestly thought it would of taken you two more days to get here. You still probably gotta good tour of the outskirts of Tokyo I bet."

"Enough chatter," Ryoga said, obviously upset by my jokes. The Eternally-Lost Boy quickly un-sheathed his umbrella, dropped his pack and cloak, "I attack!" and charged in with hundreds of strikes and slashes. I was only able to avoid his attack by backing up while making several carefully calculated dodges. "Thanks to you I have seen Hell!" he yell while making a downward thrust toward my gut.

As he made his strike, I flipped over his head, "What are you talking about?" 

"Do you truly believe…" he asked while opening up the parasol, "…that mere words can convey the depths of my **suffering**?!" and again sent it spinning through the air like an out-of-control helicopter. I avoided it and stopped him from capturing my left wrist with his bandana by kicking his elbow. Ha!

I felt confident in that I broke his trap… that I didn't notice it when a second bandana wrapped around my other wrist. "Don't think I'll let you get away that easily." We mirrored each other as we both launched a high-kick toward each other. "How many of those bandanas are you wearing," I asked as our attacks canceled each other out.

"You dare make light of this, Saotome?!" he yelled as we continued to trade blows.

"Ranma!!" Akane yelled from the sidelines, "Don't stay in close with him! Stay out of his reach!" It was then that one of Ryoga's strikes got through my defenses and his fingers nicked me on the cheek, right below my left eye. This is where it actually gets interesting "Get away from him!" she continued to yell, "He has the strength of a monster!"

"Feh," Ryoga smirked with new-found confidence. "Looks like you found out…" he went to make another strike at my head, "…a little too…" before he could finish his sentence, I caught his attack, and pulled him into an one-handed wrist throw. I moved fast enough that Ryoga lost his balance, and his grip on his bandana holding my wrist, landing face-first onto the ground. I planted my heel into his lower spine and pulled his arm perpendicular to his back, a very painful position.

"What was I too late for?" I asked with sarcastic mirth in my voice. "You know I just hate being late for anything." J

"You think this will stop me?!" Ryoga grunted.

I thought he was just bluffing, until I heard this slurping/popping sound come from his shoulder. His arm bent at an odd angle as he rolled out from under my foot and hopped back onto his feet. "Whoa," on of the students in the crowd yelled, "He dislocated his own shoulder!"

It was true, while Ryoga was still in a fighting stance, his right arm hung limply at his side. "Heh, this is nothing." He said while grabbing his dislocated shoulder with his other hand. With another popping/slurping sound, he shoved his own arm back into place. ok… that's just sick… Ryoga rotated and rolled his reattached arm, "Now, where were we? Oh yeah… DIE!!!" He yelled as he charged in for another attack.

We continued to trade blows for several more minutes, neither of us causing any serious damage, until Ryoga got within reach of his umbrella. I misjudged his next attack, giving him an opening to place the tip of the umbrella in my gut. He could of just impaled me with that… but didn't?!? He then lifted me above his head while opening the parasol, causing me to be launched over a nearby fence.

As fate would have it, my destination was the schools water fountain. With a resounding CRACK, aged concrete and cheep plumbing unleashed a torrent of water over the entire area. Well I'm wet, female, and I hurt my pride… but, if I'm lucky, my opponent will soon be a side of bacon

Speaking of Ryoga, he was at the top of his jump when the fountain blew… his umbrella still by his side… What? …why hasn't he tried to take cover yet? Is he trying to get soaked?

"Ranma!!!" Akane yelled, as she and the rest of the audience caught up with us. Seemingly in response to there arrival, Ryoga opened his umbrella and blocked all the water that he was about to dive into. What is he up to?

We both landed in the woods next to the school. "You cannot win… (pant) Ranma. Give up… (pant)" Ryoga was saying as he was trying to stand back up, not looking directly at me.

"Awww… little Ryoga isn't having fun?" I asked while putting my hands on my hips.

My higher pitched voice seemed to catch the lost boy's attention. Ryoga's head instantly shot up as he gained a 'deer-in-headlights' expression. "Whaa… wha…"

"Well… are we going to finish this fight or not?" I asked as our audience, lead by Akane, caught up with us again. Ryoga was still doing an impersonation of a statue, barely moving from his spot. I turned toward my fiancée, "Hey Akane, what's up with him?"

"Baka," she said while hitting me over the back of the head, "he doesn't know about your curse yet."

Ryoga finally got over some of his shock, "Ra…Ran…Ranma?" He then shook his head and began to laugh, "Heh, Hahahahahaha… you… hahaha… fell into Jusenkyo… haha… and turn into a girl… hahahahahaha… that is rich… hahaha…"

not quite the reaction I was expecting… "You're one to talk, at least I'm not a walking anti-compass." I said as I got back into a fighting stance. Akane caught my signal and stood midway between us and the other students.

"Feh," Ryoga shifted his umbrella to his right hand and pulled several bandannas from his forehead. "To bad your curse didn't improve your manners." He began spinning all the accessories around at high speeds, like buzz-saws.

I saw Akane out of the corner of my eye. Seeing what Ryoga was about to do, she reached down and grabbed a stick about the size and shape of a quarterstaff. …a little convenient, but I'm not complaining

"Now DIE!!!" Ryoga yells as he throws the buzz-saw bandannas. I took a few side-steps and avoided all of the blades. Akane also avoided the attacks but then used the stick to knock the bandannas out of the air. looks like our sparing sessions paid off for her

Ryoga readied a couple more bandannas and opened his umbrella, "You're finished!!!" He threw the bandannas toward my direction and launched the umbrella skyward.

"I got them," Akane stepped in front of me and prepared to knock the bandannas away again. What I saw, that she didn't, was the umbrella close up and dive-bomb right toward where she was standing.

"Akane, WATCH OUT!!!" I yelled as I tackled her to the ground. The umbrella landed with a **thud **right behind us. However, the way she was falling put Akane's hair right in the path of one of the bandannas, cutting to an uneven shoulder-length.

"AKANE!!!" Several of the girls in the crowd ran over to help both of us up. While I was just fine, Akane stood still and had a stunned look on her face. Everyone gathered around her as Ryoga and I tried to get Akane's attention by snapping our fingers and waving our hands in front of her face.

"What's wrong with her?" The Eternally-Lost-Boy asked while looking into Akane's face.

"You moron," I said while shoving him away from my fiancée. "She's in shock…" I would be too if I was nearly decapitated

"What do you two expect?" One of the two girls asked, "Caught in public… with a haircut like that! She's lucky she didn't just DIE!" Another girl turned up her nose, "Don't waste your breath. Neither of them understand about such things, hum… men…" 'Never argue with a woman who believes she is right, it's just a waist of time and breath on both sides…'

Hiroshi decided to put in his two cents, "But isn't Ranma a girl right now?" for which one of the girls promptly hit him over the head with a shinai. baka…

Ryoga stood back, closed his eyes, and crossed his arms "It's her own fault… baka girl. She shouldn't have gotten in between a man-to-man fight…"

I would have tried to defend my fiancée… except, she had woken up before Ryoga's latest comment… annnnd was currently under his nose with murder in her eyes. 

"Ryoga… you… jerk!!!" Akane yelled as she unleashed an uppercut and then a shoulder throw.

I smirked as I watched my rival take flight over the school wall, "He had that one coming, right Akane?" I got no response so turned to face her, "Akane…"

***SMACK***

The Akane in front of me didn't seem to find the humor in my comment.  In fact, she was on the verge of tears!  ****She… she hit me.  What did I do? "Shut up…" Her voice began soft and became louder.  "Go away… Just set away from me! I… I… HATE YOU!" She then took off through the school gate, heading back to the dojo.

What did I do wrong? I pondered while following my fiancée's route back home.

^^^Tendo Compound^^^

Tim no baka… Ranma no baka… slippery ground no baka… loose shoes no baka… baka, baka, baka, BAKA!!!

I continued my self-bashing as I ran thru the front gate and into the house when…

"Is that you, Ranma?" came my mom's voice from the kitchen.

I walked past the doorframe and almost ran straight into her. "Oh…" The pan Nodoka was carrying flew, along with its contents, into the air. I dove to the side, caught the handle, saved the food, but then landed on my breast. Ouch, note to self. Taking a fall is done differently as a girl "…my!  Nice catch Ranma."

"Thanks mom," I apologized while crawling off the floor.  "Here, you almost lost this."  I handed the pan back to her.

"Thank you dear," She placed it back onto the stove to simmer and wiped her hands with a towel. "So…" she lead me into the dinning room as she spoke and motioned for me to sit with her, "how did your challenge go?" Uh…

"It went well, Ryoga was a tough fighter but I still won," I began absentmindedly rubbing the back of my neck "…" I decided to take interest in the cup someone had laid out for me.

Nodoka sipped from her own cup and looked at me from over the rim. "I take it that there is another 'but' in there." I continued to stare down at the cup in front of me. "What happened?"

"I'm not really sure myself, mom…" I sipped my own tea and prepared to explain. Hum… spiced apple cider… my favorite… "Earlier I noticed that some of Ryoga's attack were kind of sporadic, potentially dangerous for everyone watching us. So I asked Akane to be prepared and protect the crowd if one of his attacks went out of control, yah know?"

"Humm…" Nodoka closed her eyes and took another sip of tea as she continued to listen. I began to give a detailed explanation of the entire fight, with mom's only comments being an occasional 'Humm…'

"…Then she slapped my face, told me 'Shut up, I hate you', and ran off." I polished of the last of my cider and placed the cup back down. "I figured that she may have run back here, and if not, I could of ask Kasumi where she might of," I suddenly got a strange feeling and began looking around. "Speaking of which, where is Kasumi? I was hoping she would be here too."

The screen door opened up, and the aforementioned Tendo sister walked in and sat down next to Nodoka. "I was just in the dojo, giving Akane a haircut that she asked for." Kasumi stated, as she placed a pair of scissors onto the table. Wow, she's good… I didn't noticed her presence until the last second.

I shook my head to get over Kasumi abrupt appearance, and realized what her words implied. "She is here? Is she ok? Did Akane tell you what happened? Did she tell you what she's mad about?"

"Oh my, yes! She…" Kasumi stopped talking when mom placed a hand on her shoulder.

Both of us turned toward Nodoka as she finally spoke up. "Kasumi, I believe it would be best if Ranma talked to Akane himself. The key to a good relationship is communication," mom removed her hand addressed me. "Ranma, talk to your fiancée." 

Nodoka seemed to get a nervous look on her face. "During your training trip, I rarely took the chance talk with Genma." She looked into my eyes, "I feel, besides even letting you go, that was the biggest mistake of my life. After you told me all that happened during your travels, I felt that I could of somehow helped. Even if I wasn't there in person."

"Mom…" I never realized that she would beat herself up over that…

"Ranma… please don't make the same mistake. Go talk with Akane."

"I will mother," I got up and headed toward the backyard.

As I opened the door of the dojo, I saw Akane going thru one of the kata I showed her. With her short haircut perfectly framing her face, she might have had the arua of calm peace… except for the furious look in her eyes.

"Akane…" my fiancée paused in mid-strike.

"Go away!" she continued the form, this time at a slower pace.

"No," I crossed my arms. "I came to find out what's wrong." She paused again.

"Nothing, now go away!" Again, she continued the form, this time becoming more tense and jerky in her movements.

"Sigh," I moved over next to her and started practicing the same kata. While I was going at the same slow pace as Akane, I made sure that my moves were calm and fluid. Akane, unknowingly following my lead, adjusted her moves until she was doing the kata almost as well as me. "Do you really expect me to believe that nothing is wrong?"

Without disturbing her rhythm and grace, she murmured, "You wouldn't understand." We both reached the end of that kata and bowed out.

I calmly put both my hands on her shoulders and looked her in the eyes. "I can't understand… unless you tell me what's wrong." She looked back into my eyes, "Remember what I said last time? That whenever you need someone to talk to, you just need to ask? Well, I'm waiting for you to ask."

The nervous look that was on her face during my speech seemed to melt away. "Alright then," she crossed her arms in front of herself, grabbed both my wrist, placed her foot on my stomach, and gave a mischievous smirk. "Lets TALK!" She rolled onto her back and threw me toward the wall. I bounced off it and began exchanging blows with Akane. Now this is my kind of talking!

"Who do you think you are?" she began going thru a series of spin kicks. "Asking for my help and then pushing me out of the way!"

I dodged or blocked the first few kicks "And you did what I asked the first time when you protected the other students," I push on her heal during her next kick, sending her once again onto her back. "But, you were almost crushed by Ryoga's umbrella. Did you want me to just stand there while you got flattened?" I probably shouldn't mention that she, herself, jumped into the attacks path

She jumped up and started an unique attack pattern, vaguely resembling the Chinese form, Sil Lum Tao. "Baka! Do you think I'm blind!" She chambered her left hand and palm striked at my chest. "I saw that flying hunk of lead, and I was going to dodge it!" when I blocked the palm strike, she caught my wrist and broke the pattern by pulling me into a Reverse 4-Corners throw.

I rolled with the throw and jumped back up, halting our spar. "I… I didn't know. I just saw you in danger and… and I had to save you."

"Heh… I guess we're both a couple of bakas" Akane whisper as she walked past me, toward the door.

"Your hair…" she turned to see me out of the corner of her eye "Uh… it looks good short… makes you look cute…"

She gave a soft smile. "I though you would think so," With that, she closed the door and left me alone in the dojo.

Man… I'll never understand women…

Author's Notes:

Me: That was fun… and don't worry people. The next chapter should be out soon…

All Alternate Personalities: Suuuuurrrre…

Me: Hay, it will!

ChaosGatomon: Don't wait up on him people, I won't…


	8. Chapter 6: What the !

Me:  Here it is folks. The long awaited sixth chapter of 'Will They Ever Learn?'

Death:  Ares't thou forgetting something.

Me:  Oh, yeah. As a first time ever for my story, I'm actually going to respond 'directly' to a review.

Scarabmon:  (Flies over to the author's shoulder, holding a piece of paper) RudyHenkel asked 'where Ranma gets off claiming to have won the fight with Ryoga...? They weren't even close to done when Akane, not Ranma, knocked him into the stratosphere.'

Me: Well RudyHenkel, He won because of a small thing called… a technicality.

Vanagar Intitor:  While Akane did deliver the final blow, she wasn't a combatant in the fight.

GSO-Techu6:  Logic dictates that if you are not a combatant, no matter how much you assisted in the fight, you cannot be declared the winner.

Sarul Talah:  (Smirks) Alssso Rrrranma, the authorrrr, wanted to imprrrressssss hisss motherrrr.

Me:  Eh heh heh… Anyway… Be prepared for this chapter, for I'm going to throw the canon Ranma ½ series into the blender, and hit mince, dice, and slice.

Konton:  (whispers to himself) How can you hit three buttons on a blender a once…?

Chaosgotomon:  Anyway… Psycho King doesn't own anything of importance. The world couldn't handle the chaos if he did control something that valuable.

Key: "normal speech"

{other languages other than Japanese}

[panda signs]

my thoughts at the moment

lapse in time or scene change

Chapter 6: What The &%$!!!!!

Ahhhh… nothing like spend some quality time in a Jacuzzi. Hey what's that to my right… ICECREAM!!! Let me at it! Mummmm… What was that sound? Oh, hay Akane. What are you doing here? You want some ice cream too? Ok, here you goooo… WHA… WHY are you glomping me? …… Yeah, it all does feel really nice. In fact, it's so nice that it's almost like…

"CURSE YOU RANMA, WAKE UP!!!!!" …a dream. Is Ryoga an insomniac or something?

'BAP!' [QUIET!!!] read the panda sign that knocked us out the bedroom window and into the cold, rainy backyard. Having turned female in mid-air, I was still able to land feet first in the koi pond. I turned to face Ryoga, who landed on top of the stone figurine. His ever-present cloak keeping him dry through the heavy rain.

"Ryoga!" I yelled while climbing out of the pond. "What do you think your doing, attacking me in the middle of the night? I'm a guest in this house! You can't just barge in whenever you feel like it!"

"You have no right to complain, Ranma," He answered in a cold voice. Staring at me, he jumped down to the ground. "I shall not be denied my revenge!"

"Oh, just SHUT UP!" I ran up to the lost boy and glared directly into his face. "Listen Ryoga, If you want to challenge me to a fight, that's fine." I jabbed him in the chest to grab his attention, "But if you want to keep using your stupid 'revenge' as a excuse to attack me whenever you feel like it than at least tell me what I supposedly did to you!!!" …not that I don't know what the pig's problem is…

I was so sure that speech would push him into a rage, that I was surprised when he started to laugh. …ok he's lost it. His laughter suddenly cut off when he coolly stated, "It's your funeral."

Ryoga took a few steps back to increase the distance between us. I then heard a 'click', and saw his pack drop from underneath his cloak. What is he up to…

"As I said before Ranma," Ryoga yelled. "I find it hilarious that your curse is that you turn into a girl." As he spoke, a gloved hand reached up and grasped the latch on the collar of his cloak.

"Why's that?!" I snapped, felling frustration radiate off of me like heat waves. "What, did you fall in and turn into something stupid… like a PIG!?!"

'Click', he unhooked the latch. "No… I find it hilarious…" he threw off the cloak, "because Jusenkyo was nowhere near as merciful to ME!!!" Ryoga yelled as the first drops of rain hit his forehead.

"KirrrrrrraaaARRRR!!!" What the… From behind the sheet of rain that had covered Ryoga, something BIG stepped forward.

It was the size of a motorcycle, with the body-shape of a large-breed dog. It's face was long and angular, coming to a point at the nose and the tips of the ears. It's white fur was scared with red lines under the eyes, on the shoulders, and on the tips of it's tails.

…That's right, TAILS. Five of them. Each flowing majestically behind it like waves in the ocean. What the &%$ did Ryoga just turn into… {This is not good…}

"Ranma!" Ryoga and I both turned toward the house and saw Akane standing under the porch. She was putting a raincoat on over her pajamas while giving me a dreary eyed glare.

{Why me…} I sighed.

"What are you doing out here?!" My fiancée continued to yell. "Your yelling almost woke up Kasu… WHAT THE &%$ IS THAT!!!" Took the words right out of my mouth…

"Kaaaaahaaaaaa…" Ryoga-monster growled at Akane.

"Akane watch out!" I yelled jumping between her an Ryoga. the warrior's code says that you shouldn't blab about your opponent's weaknesses… this ain't no weakness "It's Ryoga!"

"What do you mean 'It's Ryoga'?!" She asked while taking a fighting stance next to me.

I mirrored her stance, "He's been to Jusenkyo!"

I then noticed that, while we had been talking, Ryoga's curse form began to grow larger…

{What is he doing now?} I pondered as Ryoga grew to the size of a small car.

"Why are you asking me?" Akane yelled. We both dodged as the lost-boy-monster leapt forward and took a swipe at both of us with one of his paws. I bounced off the outer wall, hoping that Ryoga would come after me. He had other plans…

I barely was able to avoid one of Ryoga's tails, which was covered in a dark red energy. The furry glowing limb slammed into the ground creating a crater. I began to play hop-scotch around his other tails while Akane was dodging his paws and jaws. Is he getting bigger?!?

One of the tails finally caught me across the gut, knocking me back next to Akane. She had been backed up next to the house, with several scratches on her arms. {This must be my fault!} I muttered to myself, clenching my hand above my heart, {but what did I do wrong? I did what Ranma had done… more or less…} muttering the last part.

Akane looked over in my direction, "Wha…"

"Oh my," the three of us glance over to the house and saw Kasumi opening up a parasol and walk into the rain, "what's going on out here?"  She calmly said, seemingly not noticing the monster we were fighting.

"Onesan, look out."

I can't let her get hurt "It's…"

"Oh so cute!" Kasumi chirped, running past us.

"Hun???" both Akane and I questioned as we turned to see what Kasumi was looking at.

There, where a battle poised monster was a few seconds ago, was a small cuddly kitten-version of Ryoga's cursed form.

My fiancée and I promptly face-faulted.

Kitchen, few minutes later

"Ahhh…ahhh…ahhh… choo!"

"Bless you, Ranma-chan," Kasumi said while handing Akane and I several towels. "While it was kind of you to save this little one from the rain," she began to gently rub Ryoga-critter with a towel until his fur was dry. "It was not wise for the both of you to risk your own health to do so."

"Yes Kasumi," I said, subdued.

"But…" Akane began to protest before I covered her mouth and held a finger to my lips. She gave me a questioning glare, but stopped talking before Kasumi returned, holding a towel wrapped Ryoga in her arms.

"You poor little fox," Kasumi whispered to him. "You were separated from your litter in the storm, weren't you."

"Proooww…" Ryoga-fox confirmed.

"A fox?" Akane leaned forward to look at the furball in her sister's lap.

"Oh, yes," Kasumi exclaimed, while removing the towel from over the furry Ryoga. "You probably mistook him for a cat…"

I shuttered. different choice of words, please…

"…but as you can see from the shape of it's head and paws, it must be a young fox."

I scooted closer. "Never seen a fox with **five** tails before."

"Rrrrrr," my foxified-rival sent a look of hatred my direction.

"Humm…" the elder Tendo sister pondered my observance. "It… could be a birth defect…" she suddenly smiled and giggled, "or he could be a kitsune." She giggled again as if it were here own private joke. I hope you're wrong, Kasumi

The pup-Ryoga suddenly yawned and blinked it's eyes before closing them. Kasumi look up to the stove clock. "Oh my, it's late, we should head back to bed. Both of you have school tomorrow." She stood up and headed towards the stairs.

"Uh, Kasumi…" I spoke up before she reached the first step. "Where's **he** going to sleep?" I asked while pointing to the fox in her arms.

"Don't worry Ranma,"  Kasumi smiled "I still have an old doll-bed from when I was little. It will do for the night." She got about halfway up the stairs when she asked, "Are you coming?"

"In a few minutes, sis," Akane glared at me for a second, "Ranma and I have something to discuss something first." She probably wants to know why I didn't expose Ryoga in front of Kasumi

"Alright then, goodnight you two."

"Goodnight Kasumi."

"'Night Kasumi."

As soon as the eldest Tendo sister was out of ear-shot, Akane stood up and set a bone-chilling glare at me. "Ranma! Dojo! Now!"

"Eh… hehehe… sure," I stood up and ran a hand through my red hair. "Mind if I change back first?"

"Feh," she storming off the training hall.

"Uh… thanks," I said while making my way to the kitchen.

Dojo

"So, Akane…" I looked around the darkened training room for my fiancée. "What did'ya wanna talk abo-"

SMACK! "OW! What was that for?"

It was then I located my fiancée. She had, somehow, snuck up behind me, and decided to bean me over the head with a bo staff. "I just wanted to hear Ryoga's story before we blabbed about his curse! Is that so wrong?!"

WHACK! "OW!" That smarts!

Akane's expression changed from her previous 'rage-look' to something resembling Nabiki's 'business-mode-look'. "Shut up about that and tell me… who are you?" She said in a voice matching her look.

"What are you talking about?" I asked while nursing the newest lump on my head. "I'm Ran-" POW! "OW!"

"Liar!" She yelled while lifting my chin with the tip of the staff. "You said, '…but what did I do wrong? I did what Ranma had done…'"

"Wha… when… how… …huh???" I said that out-loud!

Akane took a step back, and brought her staff to her side in a waiting position. She then cleared her throat and sarcastically replied, {You speak vvveeeerrrrry good English…}

"Eeep…"

"Now tell me!" She yelled while bringing the tip of the staff an inch from my nose. "Or do I have to go get my dad's sword collection out?"

"Ok! Ok!" I yelled while waving my arms in front of me, "Just promise me you won't hit me again until I'm done…" and then started to rub my head again.

In response, Akane pulled back the staff next to her and leaned on it like a cane. "I'm listening…"

I lowered myself to the dojo floor and got comfortable, motioning to my fiancée to do the same. "I…" I paused and looked towards Akane. {…wait, does Nabiki have this place bugged?} I asked.

{Yes} she replied with a heavy accent, {but she doesn't check her recordings of the dojo until after school.} She smirked while switching back to Japanese. "That **may** give us enough time to erase them."

"I understand," I said while trying to relax once again. "As I was saying before, I wasn't really lying when I said that I'm Ranma because part of me is Ranma."

Akane gave me a skeptic look. "Huh…?"

"I know, I know… I've had trouble 'splaining it to myself sometimes." I said while glancing up at the ceiling. "The best way to describe it is that I was two separate people, that are in the process of becoming one. One was the son of Genma and Nodoka Saotome and heir to the Saotome School of Anything Goes Martial Arts. The other was a typical American College student who made an ill-planned wish at the wrong time."

"What wish?" Akane asked, curiosity etched into her face.

"To have the life of the main character from my favorite manga." I then paused to let my words sink in.

After a few seconds Akane's curious look turned into one of shock, "You mean…"

"…we are currently living in a world based off a manga called 'Ranma 1/2'." I finished for her.

For several minutes, we sat there in complete silence. I'll never forget the look on Akane's face. She was looking straight at me, but her eyes were glazing over and unfocused. Their normal bright shine and look of determination were gone. Please don't cry… please don't cry…

"No…" she finally whispered, "…that can't be true." She sounded like she was trying to desperately, convince herself that it was the truth. "If it was then that means that you know…"

"…when you were very young your family took a trip to Ryugenzawa," I interrupted.

Recognition shown in Akane's eyes, and doubt was in her voice as she spoke. "Na…Nabiki could of told you…"

"While there," I interrupted again. "You were attacked by a giant platypus and saved by boy with a broom. He gave you a horn-pipe charm, telling you that it would protect you from the monsters." Akane gasped as I continued, "Through a lack of natural skill and not practicing, you cannot swim and your cooking skills are, at best, horrible."

"What do you mean by that!?!" my fiancée stood up and yelled. "My cooking is not that… bad…" She caught herself in her ranting when she realized that I have never tasted her cooking, or seen her go swimming.

Once she sat down again, I decided to give her one more bit of for-knowledge to convince her. "In elementary school, when your class performed Romeo & Juliet, you were cast as Romeo…" I paused to drive the point home. "…even though you really wanted to play as Juliet."

Klank, klunk. The staff fell out of her hands. Akane's back was turned to me, but I could hear the one sound that I hoped would never come from her. The sound of her choked back tears. …oh, no…

I walked over next to her "You gonna be ok?" I asked while placing my hand on her shoulder.

I barely felt Akane's muscles tense before she spun around, her tear-stained face was inches from mine. "What do you think, you jerk!?! First find out that my fiancé is not just my fiancé, but also some other guy who's, at least, four years older than me! Then you tell me that my life, my entire life, is nothing more than some comic book! And you ask if I'll be ok!?!" She turned back around. "I'm nothing more than a storybook character, a life scripted out and out of my control."

"That… that's not true…" I stuttered, reaching out for her once more.

Akane batted my hand away, "Sure it is, and I bet you got everything all planned out in your head! Just using me and my family to fulfill you fantasy…"

"No, your wrong Akane…"

"Oh!" she yelled while adding sarcasm to her words. "Then that **must** be the truth, sense you know **everything **that's going to happen in my life…"

"Hold on!" I yelled back while griping onto her shoulders, forgetting that I was trying to comfort her. "For your information, I'm not some all-knowing deity that's got our lives mapped out. I do know what **could** happen, but ever sense I got here I've lost any god-like control I **may have** had." I stared direct into her eyes, tears welling up in mine, as I waved in an arm in the direction of the yard. "That fight out there. I did know it was going to happen, but nothing happened like I expected! Ryoga turning into that hell-spawned monster, you joining the fight instead of interrupting it, and Kasumi adopting a chibi-form of that monster!" I caught a few breaths. "I thought I could control the changes, giving us both a better life that you deserve. Feh…" I gave her a half hearted smirk. "…ohhh the cleaverness of me."

"So," Akane asked, her downtrodden eyes finally meeting mine. "Where do we go from here?"

I released my hold on her shoulder. "I'm not sure." I sat down on the floor, crossing my legs and my arms. "I guess we should try and find out why Ryoga's curse is different… and then go from there."

"'Different'?" Akane asked as she sat down again. "What did he change into bef… I mean in the… umh…"

"In the manga?" I finished for her, to which she slowly nodded. "Truth be told, a small black piglet. Which you adopted and named P-chan."

Akane held up her hand, "Let me guess, the other Ranma gave his word of honor not to reveal 'P-chan' too her." I raised an eyebrow in a questioning look. "Please, you're not the only person who reads manga." My fiancée yawned and stood up. "We should go to sleep. We won't be able to erase Nabiki's tapes tomorrow if we can't even wake up." I hopefully looked up toward her eyes as she went to the dojo door. "But as soon as you can, you're going to tell me everything!" She demanded while opening the door.

"Sure, Akane, and thanks…" I stood up and smiled at her, "thanks for not exposing me."

Akane sighed, "This is just going to take some getting use too."  She walked out the door, closing it behind himself.

Closing Author's Notes:

Me:  This is only the beginning of the chaos… if you help my ego by reviewing!

Louis Tanent: And thanks to 'Bearkatjesusfrk' for pre-reading.


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